The Definition of a Man/Woman

    I have been taught since Mrs. Miles' period three freshman English class that a man's character is defined by three things: what he says, what he does, and what others say about him.  As we see in Wharton's The House of Mirth, it is difficult to not let that last point dominate the other two.  However, those three points are listed in order of importance.  If we look at what Lily Bart has said throughout the novel, we find she has been nothing short of kind to everyone.  She never lashes out in anger or is particularly cruel to anyone (except the maiden on the stairwell).   Now, if we turn to what she does, we see a slightly different version of the kind spoken woman.  Though all of her actions do not place her in the best light, she has always done what she was taught to do by her mother.  She fights to stay alive in the only world she's ever known.  I'm sure many of us would do the same.  If we solely go by what others say of her, we receive an image so distorted that it hold little truth to the actual Lily Bart.  We receive the image of a husband-stealing, money hungry, flirtatious wench who does not preoccupy herself with life and who always gets her way.  In the end, we know this is not the real Lily.  Through this, Wharton may be attempting to tell her audience to get perspective before we judge others.

"She could bear it--yes, she could bear it; but what strength would be left her the next day?  Perspective had disappeared--the next day pressed close upon her, and on its heels came the days that were to follow--they swarmed about her like a shrieking mob" (Wharton, 262).